DEAR ABBY: My 23 year old daughter and her first and only boyfriend have started talking about getting married. While I think he’s a wonderful, smart, compassionate young man who seems to adore my daughter, I have one major concern: his unhealthy habits.
When my daughter introduced him to us seven years ago, he was a little overweight. Since then I’ve seen him gain at least 25 pounds a year, and he’s now morbidly obese. His diet is terrible and he never exercises. He also drinks and smokes, although not excessively.
My daughter, on the other hand, is petite, athletic, and lives decently. Her habits don’t affect him. I know enough about weight gain and health to be seriously concerned about the trend I’m seeing. Her boyfriend is rapidly approaching super morbid obesity and has limited mobility. He graduated at the top of their college class, but hasn’t had a steady job since. I’m afraid it will only get harder for him to get hired in the future.
What upsets me even more is that my blindly in love, naive daughter seems to have lost interest in pursuing a career of her own and thinks this man is going to take care of her. She has no idea that her boyfriend is the one who will probably need to be taken care of soon, and she will find it extremely difficult to both work and care for a man who towers over her and is nearly four times her weight.
So far I have not said anything about this. I am glad that my daughter has found someone who is kind, funny, loving and whose family welcomes her so warmly. I don’t want her to lose this man; I just want them to get on a better track. I think they both need a reality check. Should I say something, or is it not my place? — FERRING MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: Talk to your daughter about your concerns, all of which are valid. Your daughter should not put her career on the backburner because like you said she might need it. Make sure she understands that her boyfriend’s choices will affect not only her future, but potentially that of her children as well. once.
If this romance turns into marriage – and I wish them a long and happy marriage – they should have estate planning a priority to be sure. When love is in the air, we all expect a happy ending, but all too often fate intervenes.
DEAR ABBY: I was born in America from parents who emigrated from Pakistan. In recent years I’ve noticed a trend at Pakistani weddings: the invitations clearly state “no boxed gifts”, which is instead clearly code for “we want money”. Have you or your readers ever heard of this? I think it’s tacky, but it’s common at our weddings. I can’t remember the last one that did NOT ask “no boxed gifts” on the invite. What do you or your readers think of this? — JUST GIVE ME MONEY
BELOVED JUST GIVE ME MONEY: In some cultures, gifts in the form of money are expected. Was it a tradition when your parents lived in Pakistan? In any case, according to the rules of etiquette, any mention of gifts on a wedding invitation is considered a social blunder.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
